Recruiting Hell Part III

Life sucked from that point on and only got worse as the days went on. Kale's job started before the kids and I were up and he was never home before they were in bed. This was so rough on them, they were used to having daddy around. Daddy gave the baths every night and daddy put them to bed. This was rough on me too. Aidan started to develop her bowel issues at this time. BMs were so hard on her, she wouldn't eat, she wouldn't go on her own, I had to force feed her, and I had to help her poop. It didn't take long for me to become depressed. It didn't take long for me to be crying every night to my mom. She came out to visit me not very long after we moved, I believe it was March.



I didn't know anyone, I didn't know where anything was. They had messed up and Kale's paycheck was $0. They gave us $6000 for our moving pay, but told us not to spend it, they think they made a mistake. Here we were, in a new place, new situations, no money, and our normal life was so far gone. I blamed him, I blamed him so much. It was HIS fault, he put New England down and he did it without asking me first. We fought, we fought so much. I would call him when Aidan was crying and wouldn't stop. For HOURS she wouldn't stop. She missed him, she was in pain, she was hungry, she was a baby. I didn't know how to deal. I would call his cell and just set the phone in the room with her. If I had to listen to it HE did too. Life sucked.



In April my parents flew us out to KS, well the kids and I. We spent two weeks there and I called him every night saying I didn't know if I was coming home or not. He called his mom and told her I might not come home. She called me, she lectured me, she yelled at me, I hung up on her. I was sooooo ANGRY at him, livid that he would tell her something so personal, it was none of her buisness. I did end up going home with him, I was too chicken to ask my parents to stay. I didn't speak to his mother for 2mths after that.



At this point I am blaming him for everything, he is only home one day a week and even on that day he still had to go in most of the time. I have completly withdrawn from him, I barely spoke to him. I usually just yelled at him, I often wonder why he stayed with me at that time. I was horrible to him, I knew after that first few months that he was never going anywhere.



I finally got up the nerve to ask my mom if we could come live with her, just while he finished recruiting duty. She told me no, that if I left I was giving up on my marriage and that would be a huge mistake. I was upset, beside myself. I felt abandoned by everyone. It took me three weeks to get over it and forgive her. My dad finally had to call and explain her to me. I understood, but I wasn't happy.



I decided to go to college in the fall, that way I could get out of my house. I had never been a fan of daycares, but I went and toured the one on the Air Force Base and was very impressed. I felt comforted knowing they were in a very controlled building, each room had three cameras, and you had to sign the kids in and out each day. It was in these halls that I would meet my savior, the one to keep me sane, to pull me out of my funk, my best friend K. Her son and my Lilly were best buddies, in the same room. Her husband also worked in the same office with Kale, and turned out they were good friends. It took me nearly a year to open up and trust her, to let her in to my life. I am very hard to become friends with, but once I am your friend I am loyal to a fault.



She and I both pulled our kids out of the daycare after one semester of college. Both of us had major issues with our kids getting sick. I was in the doctors office every week, alternating kids. By the time I pulled them out, they were one ear infection away from tubes. Her son has asthma and was hospitalized. The station commander SGT Asshole, wouldn't even let her husband off to stay with him for a day. Not one single day in the week or more he was in the hospital. I hated that guy, I still do.



At this point I am in therapy once a week and I am on anti depressants. I have gained 20lbs already. My marriage is not the same, my children are not the same, I am not the same.



To be continued......