I just found out my husband is staying on orders to Fort Campbell KY and that pretty much as soon as he gets there he will be shipping off for Iraq. I am scared out of my mind. It goes beyond just his personal safety, it goes into my mental well being. I historically don't do really well by myself. I am not as good of a mommy as I like to be when he is gone. I am not a patient person and I don't like doing it all by myself. But I knew this day would be coming, I am not stupid, he's in the Army, and I knew eventually he'd be going.
What am I going to do:
When Sophia refuses to go to sleep at night and I am at my wits end from dealing with her.
When Delilah wakes up in the middle of the night crying and needing a bottle. Who is going to bring her to me and make her bottle for me.
When I have to give everyone baths every other day for over a year. Right now the only one I bathe is Delilah and I am just about to hand that duty over to Kale.
When all the kids are sick and I have to take more than two to the doctor at a time.
When kids are sick and vomiting. Who is going to help me clean them up?
Who is:
Going empty and load my dishwasher every day for me?
Going to clean the cat boxes, guinea pig/gerbil/bird cages?
Going to feed my dog/cat/guinea pig/gerbil/bird?
Going to pick my kids up from school every day?
Going to take them to and pick them up from girl scouts?
Going to watch a couple of them when my mom and I go shopping on Saturday mornings?
Going to change my lightbulbs?
Going to keep me feeling safe enough to sleep at night?
Going to tell me he loves me everyday, even though I don't say it back much anymore?
Going to talk me off the ledge when I have had it with his children?
Going to make sure things get done when I am in a funk?
Going to go to the store at 10pm because I just felt like having a candy bar?
Who is...
Going to reassure our children that daddy will be back "before they know it"?
Going to try and make sure his baby of 9mths knows who he is?
Me......That's Who.
I realize I am not the only woman to go through this or is going through this. I am quite lucky it has taken more than ten years for this to happen. He did just reenlist yesterday so he would have enough time for this assignment, we could have said no to the reenlistment and gotten out in a year. But we are lifers, didn't intend to be in the beginning. I personally like the security of having a pay check every mth (even if my brother who is younger makes 2 times as much as Kale), having health care, and having a house if I choose to have one. When he thought about getting out after the first three years we were so young and he didn't have any higher education. So I said no we need to stay in, we had a baby to think about. After the 2nd reenlistment (the 1st was for 4more years the 2nd for 5) we decided to just stick it out for 20 and collect a pension, then he can go on to another career and retire from there too. We did get a nice big fat bonus check (again!). That'll pay some bills.
I have family here, I know that. It's going to be hard, but a little easier with them around. Not much though. I am not used to doing everything for myself, I gave that up years ago. I rely on him too much and my mom says I need to stop. He helps me, he drives me nuts but keeps me sane. I cannot explain why I need him so very much, I just do.
I really wish we would have found out during a better time(like there is a better time). When it was actually spring and my kids weren't just getting over two different illnesses. I might have been my more optimistic counterpart, maybe not. Now I will just have to hold out hope that he at least gets promoted before he leaves and we are able to move to Senior NCO Quarters (bigger, better, NEW house). We will find out in April and so far we are hearing good things.
Lillyanna Margaret
My oldest and bossiest child (so far).
Aidan RoseLynn
My most dramatic and hilarious child.
Sophia Grace
My loudest and sweetest child, quickly becoming the bossiest.
Delilah Annette
My baby, my sweetness, and my quietest child.
Mom & Dad aka Nonnie & Pa
My parents
Jason, Rosy, & Alan
My Brother, Sister-in-law, & Nephew. Rosy came as an exchange student from Mexico a few years ago. She lived with my parents after her host family had troubles. She then met my brother who was still in college and living out of the house. They fell in love and the rest is history.
Green
He came 5yrs ago as an exchange student and has yet to leave. I now consider him my brother.
Ahhh...Ten Years Ago
5 comments:
Here, to make you feel better I will answer some of your questions for you! Here goes nothing!
1. Shut Sophia's door, have a swig of Nyquil and remember that crying never killed anyone.
2.Go start Delilah's bottle and while it is warming, go snatch her from her bed.
3. Stick the two oldest in the tub and say this "Wash your body, wash your privates. Play for 5 minutes and Mommy will come wash your hair." Bathe the younger kiddos while the eldest is at school.
4. Shit. Ok. That is what CYS is for. You should get so many hours of free childcare a month. Use these times for the emergency doc visits. Or, make all appointments for younger kids while older are at school.
5-9. YOU are. Sorry.
10. Some other family member? That one I can't help you with. You might have to give up that one.
11. You are.
12. Doesn't the dog help with that?
13. Kale is, maybe not everyday, but he will still tell you as often as he can. Your kids will, though.
14. We all are. We can be here for you, too.
15. You are.
16. I suggest keeping a supply of chocolate hidden from the children but well within arms reach o you. Thats what I did.
17 & 18. You're right. You are.
I know it's hard, and I am not trying to sound bitchy or anything, but it is true. YOU WILL SURVIVE. I know how hard this must be for you, but soon enough it will all be a distant memory.
Smiles, hon!
I really am not usually that into being a victim. It's just shocking right now, it came out of left field for us. Normally with the job he has (MPI) you have to be stablized for two years in that job before you can go and he just started last July. I wrote this on a day when I was feeling really bad. I am not usually a pessimist, I consider myself a realist w/ times of being an optimist. Thanks for your support, I am sure I will need all I can get.
PS: The dog can help with the cat box and vomit too. :P
I am so different than most wives, J can attest to this, I wanted my husband to go to Iraq, I live for deployments and field time. To me I get to be myself when he's gone (what does that say about our marriage?) because I already do everything, to me it is everyday of my life. I am a lazy person too and I manage to take care of these things, you can do it, you're an Army wife, its what we do. I know you have more kids than I do but you will realize just how awesome you are when you manage to do everything yourself and succeed. And just like J said, you can come on here and vent and we will support you. Oh and one more thing....get a vibrator! :)
Do vibrators do chores? :P
hang in there the best you can, and know that as soon as you start a routine that works for all of you, it won't be long till he is back home. :)
your a mom for crying out loud, you can do that you can do anything. :)
hugs,jenn
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