Dear.....

Dear Husband,



Just because you pay for MY new van, does not give you license to drive it whenever you damn well please. You know how much I hate having to change the mirrors, the seat, the petals, and the radio station. I have very little patience in the mornings you should know better by now. You have your own freaking car and last I remember it was practically brand new when we bought it.



Love,

Your Ungrateful at 7am Wife



PS: Drive your OWN car!

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Dear Mother,



Please, I implore you, STOP having conversations with me when I am not in the room. We have talked about this before, wanting to talk to me about something and talking to me about it are two different things. You can't get mad at me for something I forgot but never knew about in the first place.



Love,

Your Daughter Who Rarely Forgets Things You ACTUALLY Ask Her To Do

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Dear Mother of the Poor Child on Aidan's Soccer Team Named ROWDY,



Really, are you f*ing kidding me? Rowdy, that's his real name? It's not a nickname for Randell or Rodger?



Did you totally want to give your child a complex BEFORE he could create his own? Okay, whatever, to each his own.



Sincerely,

Woman who tried hard to give her kids names they wouldn't be teased for



PS: Before you mention it, most people these days have no clue the story of Samson and Delilah. They will just think I was a big nerd who named her kid after a song.

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Dear Everyone on Post,



If you didn't already read the rules (or signs) for roundabouts, here is a quick lesson.

1) You don't have to stop. Did you see the big Yield sign? Do you know what Yield means? If not then turn in your driver's license and walk.

2) If I have ample room to merge in front of you, do not speed up and honk your horn at me. I did nothing wrong, I did what the sign said, I YIELDED. BTW the speed limit is 20, so sitting on my ass when I am going 21 is not going to get you very far. You were lucky I didn't slow down to 10 to keep your happy ass behind me for a few miles.



Sincerely,

Woman who learned how to use roundabouts in Boston, where they know how to use them properly