I have no idea why I feel I must explain myself, but I have the overwhelming urge to do so. I am choosing to worry about this stupid picture right now so I don't have a nervous breakdown. Currently, right now, at this moment, I have three big things on my mind I am trying to distract myself from.
1) My grandfather is in the hospital with kidney failure. He's had it once before and they were able to "fix" it, hopefully they can do the same this time. My grandparents were supposed to leave FL for PA this past weekend but now have to stay longer. A big part of my worry is for my grandma, she can't drive anymore, she lost most of her vision (what was left of it) this past winter when she was in the hospital with a brain bleed. So I worry for her in addition to worrying for him.
2) My husbands impending departure. I know he's not going to Iraq and that I will hear that statement I hate. I will constantly hear when I am complaining about him being gone "Well, at least he's not in Iraq." I hated that statement when we were on recruiting duty and I am sure I will hate it just as much when he's in Cuba. We are lucky he's not going, I know that, and I feel so sorry for the ones who are worrying about their family members in the line of fire. So don't get me wrong, I know I am getting the better end of the stick in the deal, but it's all relative. But that being said, it affects my life the same way, just without the added worry. So instead of my life sucking a 9 or 10 on a scale of 1-10, it will suck at a 7 or 8. Not that much different, for me. Now for him it's much better, he's safe, he can work on his college, and he doesn't have all the same emotions he would if he had gone to Iraq.
3) Sex. I worry about this constantly. Not my sex life, but the age kids are having sex keeps getting younger and younger. I have four daughters, the statistics are scary. I think the last time I read one it was like 1 out of 5 girls get pregnant before they are 20. That does not bode well for me. I worry about how am I going to try and get them to wait. I didn't wait, if they count backwards they will know I was not married before I was pregnant. I was however, 18. I have to try and talk to them about all of this and soon. Lilly is almost 9, girls are starting puberty younger and younger. She already has hairy armpits and bad BO, plus lately she has been hormonal as all hell.
Now maybe you can understand why I chose to voice my small worries and why I worry about stupid and/or silly things that I really shouldn't worry at all about. If I let all of these big worries come to the surface at the same time, I might have a mental breakdown. Plus I like to pretend I am big and brave and that nothing in my life is worth worrying about except a stupid picture or that my mil can drive me nutty (like most people's don't).
Lillyanna Margaret
My oldest and bossiest child (so far).
Aidan RoseLynn
My most dramatic and hilarious child.
Sophia Grace
My loudest and sweetest child, quickly becoming the bossiest.
Delilah Annette
My baby, my sweetness, and my quietest child.
Mom & Dad aka Nonnie & Pa
My parents
Jason, Rosy, & Alan
My Brother, Sister-in-law, & Nephew. Rosy came as an exchange student from Mexico a few years ago. She lived with my parents after her host family had troubles. She then met my brother who was still in college and living out of the house. They fell in love and the rest is history.
Green
He came 5yrs ago as an exchange student and has yet to leave. I now consider him my brother.
Ahhh...Ten Years Ago
6 comments:
1) I'm really sorry to hear about your grandpa, I really hope everything works out for him and I'm sure your grandma is going to be fine since she has such a caring family to look out for her while he is in the hospital.
2) I will never ever ever tell you at least he's not in Iraq, I got that shit when my husband had cancer, talk about pissing me off. To you it is just the same, he's gone and you have to do everything yourself and to top it off you don't get combat pay (I don't think). Not that money makes it okay but it definately helps. Worrying about it is normal just try and enjoy the time you have before he goes, I see so many people get so worked up over their husbands leaving that they don't make the most of their time. I did this the first time my husband went to Iraq, I cried the whole night before he left and after he was gone I thought, great, now his last memory of me was me crying my eyes out.
3) I worry about this all the time, I worry what the world will be like for Nicholas and Sophia as adults. I worry about STDs and birth control (if I put Sophia on birth control is that sending the wrong message?). What will I do if Nicholas gets some girl pregnant? Luis and I talk about these things all the time and to be honest it scares the shit out of me. I worry about kids bringing guns to school, when I was young people didn't do that. Did you hear about the 9 years old plotting to kill their teacher? There are so many things wrong with the world that I honestly thought about not having kids (obviously I thought this before I had kids). I came to the conclusion that all I can do is teach them morals and manners and how to deal with conflicts and the rest is up to them.
Now, I don't know if that made you feel better but sometimes its nice to know that you aren't alone.
Thanks, it is nice to know I am not alone.
When it rains it pours, eh?? I'm so sorry about your grandpa. My dad has kidney disease and is in end stage renal failure - so I know just how much that sucks. Sending love and support your way.
I also hear ya on the hubby front - when mine left I kept hearing the same thing, and I sucked it up big time thinking, well at least this separation is temporary and he's not in the military anymore. But I still hate when anyone else says it! Plus you have so much going on right now and it's the last thing you need to hear. I know people mean well and think they're helping, but c'mon folks...
Meanwhile you've got us all in your corner, sending support, love and prayers.
Hey, that's what a blog is FOR!
I'm sorry to hear about your grandpa... that is hard to deal with. But, I really hope they can fix him again. I will definitely be thinking of all of you.
And of course I'll be thinking of your grandma as well. It is hard to not worry about all these very special people in your life. And it is okay to not be brave & tough some times, you are human after all, you can't always put on a brave face.
I couldn't even imagine what you are going through w/ your husband leaving you and the girls... no matter where he is going. :( It has got to be hard to be a single parent and also a single wife... I wouldn't wish this on anyone. I hate it when Bryan goes away on fishing trips. Well I'm ok the first few nights but after that it stops being fun and starts being a real pain being the only adult in the house. I usually have my parents around helping me out, and just keeping me company. But fishing is nothing compared to gone out of the country.
I don't even want to think about the sex thing... althoug I do. And I worry about it as well. I worry for my twin girls as much as I worry for my son. I can't imagine having teenagers in this day and age, but I guess we all have to just deal w/ it the best way we can, b/c there is no way to change the world. I plan on having a VERY open relationship with my children and talking about anything and EVERYTHING... and answering EVERY single question they want to know. I think this will help a lot. I plan on always being honest with them... no matter how difficult it may be at times, I think this might be part of the key to having them listen and respect you. Although I feel this way, I'm not sure my kids will be the open and honest type of kids, but I am really praying and working hard for this. I feel like, you've only got one chance at doing this the right way... so I'm stepping up to the plate, ready to grand slam this.
I am very honest and open with them now about things that really matter and will make a difference in their life. I hope this is the beginning of good things in our house.
I'm sure you will have wonderful teenagers, you are a great mom and you seem very close with your entire family espeically your children, they are loved and they know it so they will always look to you for guidance, support and honesty. :)
Keep up the good work.
xoxox's Jenn
PS their dad can shoot a gun really well, i'm not sure they will have many boys courting them. lol
HA! Yeah my husband is not the "presence" my dad is. He's kind of I dunno how to put it kindly, not really that man-ly. He's a great husband, don't get me wrong, but he's not that scary. I know he can drop a guy in 2 seconds flat, but if you look at him you wouldn't be afraid.
Lilly told me today that her best friend is getting breasts. I was shocked and scared. Lilly is already having hair issues, BO issues, and mood swings, I am not ready for breasts or even worse PERIODS. I am taking her to the doctor to be checked out, it's weird she only has hair under one arm, so I am worried. Add that to my freaking long ass list of worries. :P
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