Swimming at the State Park

Update: For anyone who subscribes, I apologize. I realized I published this the same day as Wordless Wednesday, after I had published WW. So I republished it for today.






So I did something I haven't done in years, since before my children were born, well at least I haven't done it unless I was pregnant. I went swimming, in a swimming suit. Courtesy of K who sent me her old suit. It took a lot for me to get over my weight issues enough to put the thing on and play with my girls, but I did it. I did it because my fil alone couldn't have watched the three bigger girls in the pool by himself. My mil went "swimming" but the water was too cold and she wouldn't go in any deeper than her ankles, wuss. The first day they had fun but since my girls don't swim and are scared of water for some unknown reason. I loved to swim, still do. I was a master at swimming as a child, my kids can't pass level one lessons. They have a fear of the water that is foreign to me.

The second day we went swimming we brought rings and a boat. They loved it, were so brave. By the end all three were jumping off the edge holding onto the rings. The same girls the day before were staying where they could touch and didn't dare let us take them in deeper. It was amazing and wonderful a perfect day. Until....

Judy and I were sitting on the stairs chatting as the girls were playing. She turns to me and after sizing me up says "When we get home I will have to sit on your feet and make you do sit ups. You need to firm up your tummy." I honestly didn't know what to do or say, I wanted to cry or yell. Instead I said "Wow, I guess I know I will never be wearing this suit out in public again." To which she replied "Oh, well your not the biggest girl here."

Later that night I relayed the story via messenger to Kale, I couldn't tell him when he called she was in the room. He was very upset with her. I nearly cried typing it to him. Then this morning I called my mom while Judy was in the store and told her. I burst into tears as I told her, she couldn't believe she would say that to me. Honestly, I know I am fat. Personally when I see myself naked I am disgusted. But those are my issues and I try not to bitch about it. Because honestly all I need is more will power. My problem is I am an emotional eater, I eat when I am sad or angry. So this month? I have eaten like a pig and not felt like doing much about it. I gained most of my weight when we lived in MA. I wish for the days before we moved there, when I thought I was fat. I so was not fat. Heavy, husky, fluffy but not fat. Now? I am fat. I avoid full length mirrors if possible. The worst part for me is my face is fat. I never had that until a few years back. I am going to try and work on my weight this year. But you never know.

In a nut shell, she ruined a perfectly happy day for me. Well, part of it. At least the pictures are going to bring back happy memories and in time I will forget what she said.