Depression has set in....

RePost- Sorry Marie

I need to snap out of it, I am not liking the way I am feeling this week. It doesn't help I have forgotten to take my anti-depressants more often than I have remembered to. Plus my children are done with summer and want to go back to school. If only they realized I wish for that more than they do. I have been having an extremely bad case of the bad mommies these past few days. I have lost my patience more often that not. I hate yelling at them, but when you ask and ask and ask again, yelling seems like the only viable option left. Fighting has been the biggest issue, mostly between the oldest two. My next biggest complaint is noise. They cannot play quietly EVER. While I don't expect them to be quiet 100% of the time, there are times when I need peace. I have taken to staying up way too late, which then makes me grumpier.

I told Kale I hate him yesterday. I don't mean it, but I am angry that I am alone and last night he went to dinner with a bunch of important people. It's not his fault, I know it, but I can't help feeling jipped. It's been hard these past three days to hold myself together and not break down. But last night I did, I cried like a baby. I hate crying, it leaves my nose stuffy and my eyes puffy. I also think of it as a weakness and I don't like feeling weak. My mom is out of town until Friday, so I can't talk to her or have her help. Plus she is dealing with a lot right now. Her school is moving to a new building and they expect her to move everything alone. I also don't like her seeing me like this, until recently she didn't know I was even taking anti-depressants. I hide a lot of my true feeling from my family and friends, usually Kale is the only one who knows what I am feeling. It sucks for him to have to deal with me alone, but I don't want our family and friends to think I am weak.

I really NEED to get over this by Saturday. It's Lilly's 9th Birthday and I need to be good mommy. We aren't doing her special day until August 2nd, but we will have the family party on her b-day, I ordered the cake today. I guess I am doing somethings right. I really begin to feel better when I get small things done, like the dishes or the laundry. One positive thing happened on Tuesday, Rosy came over to drop Alan off to me, I am watching him for a few hours all week. Well she came early and she was either bored or sick of my pile of clean laundry. She.Folded.It.ALL! Then last night when they came to get him (he stayed longer than they had said he would) they brought me a piece of Linda's Fudge Cake from Cheesecake Factory, I needed it. I also finished it, which doesn't help my fat butt any, considering it's 33 weight watcher points. Why can't I be one of those people that can't eat while they are depressed? Instead I am an "eats chocolate until she is sick" depressant.

I have tried to keep my depressed mood off my blog, but I can't right now. I will snap out of it this weekend, when my mom gets home, my van is done, and my kids are busy being with other people. Sunday Lilly heads to camp #2 for 6 nights and Aidan heads to Chicago with my parents for 3 nights. It will just be Sophia, Delilah, and I, it will be glorious. Then I will have one week before school starts and that week they are taking dance for 2hrs each afternoon Mon-Thurs. My mood is picking up a little already at the thought of school beginning. Things will get better, I know it.