I miss....

I miss having a clean house every day. (But not enough to get my lazy butt off the couch apparently)

I miss not having to leave my house if I didn't want to. (But not enough to want to home school)

I miss having my husband's help. (3 more months until he's home for a visit)

I miss my husband. (That should have been a given, but I didn't realize just how much I would miss HIM)

I miss the time when all I needed to buy my children was clothing, food, and toys. (But I am glad they are in school)

I miss SLEEP! (But not enough to give Delilah back)

I miss when my biggest worry for my kids was if they feel and hurt themselves. (Instead of worrying about who their friends are, if they are having a good time at school, or worse)

I miss a time when our house was half as full of junk. (But not half the children that caused the junk coming into the house)

I miss not having to get up at 7am every single morning. (But not enough to home school)

I am full of contradictions today (most days). I want this but without having to do that. Some days I want life to be easy, but then it might be boring. I am just not sure what's up with me this last few days. I am hoping it's just the gloomy weather. It's been cloudy, gray, and rainy for three days now and will remain this way all weekend. It sucks. I wanted to start walking in the morning today, but it was raining steadily and I couldn't. I have also been very lonely since Judy left. I know she drives me crazy, but not having another adult in the house makes me sad. I am going to try and pull out of this funk by Monday. Of course having not much money hasn't helped my mood any, I am not used to being so restrained.

Aidan also was having a bit of trouble in school this week, trouble keeping her hands to herself. When the teacher told me I felt as if I had been kicked in the stomach. I talked to her and my mom talked to her and she seems to be keeping it together. I know she gets teased a little for being tiny, it was the same way for me in school. BUT it's not an excuse or reason to ever put her hands on someone else. So I explained that to her and told her other kids won't want to be friends with her if she hurts them, I think that's the one that got through to her. She loves having friends. But it still sucks that I have to have a conversation with her about this. I am not sure where she gets it from, we rarely spank (once in a blue moon) and it's never a punishment for hitting, normally it's used for dangerous situations (doesn't happen that often). Plus Lilly and Sophia don't hit, never have. I firmly believe the reason Aidan hits is because she was in daycare from 18mths to 24mths, when they learn that behavior. Still not an excuse, but I think that's why she hits and Lilly and Sophia don't. Lilly was only in daycare from 4-4 1/2 and Sophia has never gone. Aidan was always getting bit and pushed by the other toddlers, that's one of the big reasons I quit college the second time. That and they were getting so sick all the time. I wish I had never left them, it's one of my mommy guilts I have been hanging onto all these years.

Maybe it's because Kale is gone, I don't know but I don't like it. My mom is researching different consequences that would be appropriate and is trying to find books for her to read about bullying. We will see if she continues or if we have to try something new with her. I don't want her to be disliked and I don't want other parents looking at her or I with disgust. Wish me luck, I may need it.